Issue 1

James Ardis

Jared twothousandandlate


18 subscribers 396 views Joined Apr 6, 2014


THE ONLY channel where you can watch someone buy plane tickets online and then not board the plane. Twice a month I buy plane tickets online and then you watch me sit in my own living room at the time of departure. The real fun begins when a plane is delayed, a delay triggers the “ask me anything” segment where I answer your questions until the plane departs. Message me your thoughts on what flight I should miss next and support my Patreon page so that I can afford to miss international flights by the start of next year. My name is Jared and I’m late for this plane!

Recent Uploads


6 months ago 146 views

Description: This week we name all the things I could do in Milwaukee while I miss my flight to Milwaukee. We start at boarding time (8:15 AM) and finish at takeoff (8:40 AM). My family and I once lived comfortably in a suburb outside of Milwaukee until one day we no longer lived there. I am trying to find a more accurate way of knowing whether a plane is taxiing or in the air, please bear with me as I [...]


5 months ago 70 views

Description: My plane touched down in Milwaukee but no part of my body is in Milwaukee. When I was young, my mother was groped by her boss and the only way my parents could cope was by leaving our Milwaukee suburb. Things worked out for a while but then my parents realized they could only stand each other while they were distracted by moving. We kept moving, at least once a year and to cheer me up, my mom made a list of all the things we could do and all the places we could eat since we left Milwaukee. I share that list now with everyone who has no part of their body inside [...]


3 months ago 23 views

Description: If you, too, would like to book flights but not actually go on the plane you should know that it is not a cheap hobby. You will save money by being flexible with your departing and arriving airports. I KNOW certain airports will give you a bigger rush than others but our message is the same regardless: We will never leave the place we call home and we reject the premise that we must leave home to be a global citizen. We will not leave home even if our dads can’t accept that another man touched his wife. I have not been in a relationship in years, I have no idea what I would do if my partner cheated on me. Through all of this I have found that Las Vegas is the best destination to book an affordable fake [...] 

James Ardis published the chapbook "Your Arkansas: A Strategy Guide" (Gauss PDF) in 2016, a project that combines psychosis and video game strategy guides. His writing appears in Heavy Feather Review, RivuletThe RumpusCrossing Genres, and a personal Tumblr page dedicated to hypercapitalist Everybody Loves Raymond posts.

Emily Corwin